Alexander Marshall Kirby (Xander) died very unexpectedly, when I was a week and a half past my due date, in August 2011. This was a shocking end to a very healthy, much-longed-for pregnancy, and the isolation was one of the many things that hit me the hardest. With virtually no one to talk to who understood this very unique loss, I found support online. Although this was wonderful, and quite literally a lifesaver, I longed to meet other bereaved parents in person.

Xander was my first baby, and although my husband Jim and I went on to have two more very healthy boys, the loss of Xander has left a hole in our lives that can never be filled. One of the ways I cope with my loss this many years on, is trying to make a horrible time just a little less horrible for others who lose their baby, and trying to help them feel less alone.

My son Noah was stillborn on 27th October 2013, he was a beautiful baby and looked as though there was no reason for him to have died. I feel our story can help people because I believe my experience of care was the best it could be during the worst time of my life.

Noah was 17 days past his due date when he was born, and his placenta was too small to sustain him and died whilst I was being induced. I didn’t know it was possible for babies to die this late in pregnancy and naively thought that after the 20 week scan, we would have a healthy baby to take home. His death floored me, my family and friends. We got to spend 3 days in hospital with him and after his post mortem we got to take him home; where he belonged, for 2 nights. These are the most precious days of my life. Now; over 6 years on, I have a wonderful little girl who lit up our lives in a very dark time.

The darkness will never go, but we will always have light from the love of those around us. This charity and the work we do has helped other bereaved parents, even just in small ways, but we know the little things can make a massive difference to someone’s mental health. I plan to raise awareness of Stillbirth and try to help those who find themselves in this world shattering position for as long as I am able.

My Daughter Angel was stillborn the 4th September 2014. We tried for 2 years to get pregnant and because of this I naively thought nothing could go wrong. My waters broke at 38 weeks  in the middle of the night and on the second visit to hospital we got told she had died. We have an answer why she died, this helped although doesn’t make it any easier.  She had a velonentrous cord, this  is very rare and counts for around 1% of all pregnancies. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and will hold guilt for the rest of my life and something i will never get over and has changed who i am as a person. 

I do think if my care was different the first time I went in the outcome would be different and this will stay with me forever. This is why I am involved with the charity to try and change how families get treated.